I have this friend- we'll call him Harry. Harry is married to but seperated from a woman- we'll call her The Cow. It seems that Harry could no longer get along with The Cow- try as he might. And boy did Harry try and try and try. Even when The Cow decided to graze on greener pastures, Harry wanted to follow along. But when he found there was no room for him, Harry went on the internet where he found a beautiful fair maiden. We'll call her Nora. Nora was a beautiful, intelligent, strong willed woman. Nothing like The Cow. Harry fell in love with Nora instantly. You see, to men like Harry, Nora is an irresistible challenge, but Harry wasn't quite ready for that challenge. Harry was accustomed to the ways of The Cow. Harry began to realize that he had gotten himslef in way over his head with his new found love. He began to think that he was not good enough for her and that there was no way that someone like Nora could possibly love someone like Harry. This just simply was not the case. Despite some of Harry's most foolish moments, Nora stood beside him. But Harry was still not convinced that Nora's intentions were true. So Harry, being nothing more than a man, decided to go on the offensive and test Nora's love. Harry has a typical male brain, which we all know does not have the capacity to hold a complete thought, plan or idea. So one night, in a drunken stupor, Harry got one of his brilliant ideas. He thought that if Nora could stand by him through his numerous infidelities, then she was truly the one for him. He mistook her for Tammy Wynette (sic). So Harry decided to go to the pastures and find his long lost cow. But The Cow had already found a bull to graze with and she did not want Harry around anymore. Harry could not accept this. Harry began to to offer The Cow larger and greener fields to graze on. But The Cow had recently had an operation that would not allow for her to graze on such large fields, so she declined his offer. Harry was flattened by this, but it did not stop him. Harry continued to visit the fields until one day he found a sign in the field that read, "No Trespassers. All Violators Will Face jail Time." Harry was pissed now. Harry thought that if maybe he spent some time up North, The Cow might change her mind and allow him into the field with her. So, Harry took his trip up North, leaving his faithful Nora behind. While Harry was away, he found a few cows to take The Cow's place. And although Harry couldn't prod one of the cows, he managed to prod the other 2. This was very satisfying to Harry. Not only was Harry getting what he wanted, but he was sure this was the best way for Nora to prove her love to him. But Harry didn't think this all the way through. Just like his attempt with one of the Northern cows, he couldn't follow through. Harry claimed that if Nora could handle this and forgive him then she truly loved him. But for some reason, Harry did not want Nora to find out about his herding. How can Nora pass a test that she is unaware of taking? Obviously Harry had ulterior motives, and his original explanation was nothing nore than a pile of manure. But Harry had no worries. Harry thought that if he can't figure things out, no one can. Nora would be at home, none the wiser to Harry's little games. Harry would go home and all would be well. But when Harry got home, he was met with Nora's knowledge to what Harry had been involved in. No one knows how she discovered his extracarricular activities with the Norhtern cows, but she did. And apparently, without Harry's knowing, The Cow stopped grazing long enough to let Nora in on what Harry has been trying to do with her. So now Nora knows all about Harry's little pets. Nora is very hurt by this. She did nothing to deserve this. Nora is also very pissed and is now on the defensive. But she decides to give Harry one more chance. Harry does not know if he wants to take that chance. Harry claims that God made all women beautiful and too irresistible for him. Apparently Harry also believes that all the women were made for him and he does not want to waste any of them. Harry has his head too far up his ass to see that he had already been blessed with "The One". Harry continues to play the games and Nora continues to learn about each one. And from there, it all goes down hill. Harry is unhappy with Nora and Nora is unhappy with Harry. Harry becomes very sad and cannot understand why no one feels sorry for him. Harry does not think he did anything wrong. After all, The Cow did these things to him and he forgave her. So Harry believes that when these things are done, forgiveness is just a given. Poor Harry is just too dumb to know better. And because of this, things were damaged beyond repair between Harry and Nora. Harry began to feel the weight of his troubles bear down on him. So Harry went away for a week. While Harry was gone, Nora began to think of all she was put through and all the pain she was dealt and decided she is better than this. So Nora found herself her very own castle to live in. A castle that would be filled with love and beautiful things. A castle that would be free of any negative energies. So she too put a "No Trespassing" sign for Harry on her door. When Harry came home and found Nora had gone, Harry was very upset. How could she do this to him? What did he ever do to deserve this? Did Nora not know that while Harry was away he thought things through and decided he would give it one more try? Did Nora not know that there was no room for this to be about her? Apparently Nora gave no consideration as to how Harry was feeling, like he had done so many times with her. Today Nora spends her time healing her wounds and is trying to learn how to trust again in preparation for the day her knight in shining armor comes banging on the door of her castle. As for Harry, well, no one knows quite for sure what he's thinking, not even Harry knows what he is thinking. But he does remain hopeful that some day the beautiful Nora will search deep in her heart and find a way to forgive him so they can try to make a go at this again. Harry is convinced that he is a better person now than he ever was and that he can make this work if ever he were to be given that one last chance. Let's all keep our fingers crossed for Harry. And as for The Cow, she's still grazing in her pastures, becoming a bigger and bigger cow. Let's keep our fingers crossed that some day The Cow will choke on her cud.
This is a true story, folks. Stay tuned for any future updates.
As promised, there has been an update to this never ending story. Apparently Harry has read my story and would like me to inform my readers that he is a dumb-shit. His words, folks. He would also like to remind all of you to recognize what you have when you have it. Do not blow it like he did. Harry has also purchased metal polish, and before long, his armor will once again be shining bright. ( I think he wants to be Nora's knight in shining armor.) However, he states that he cannot blame Nora if she ultimately chooses to stay in her guarded castel, only to leave him alone in his cold, miserable castle, where he will spend an eternity kicking himself in the ass for what he has done. And finally, Harry is looking for a wizard that will soften Nora's heart, so she can once again love Harry. If you are a wizard and you're reading this page and are currently unemployed, Harry has one hell of a job for you. Please send your resumes to [email protected]. Thank you.