I looked the word 'friend' up in the dictionary today. I was beginning to feel that maybe I had the wrong idea of what a friend really is. He are the results:
1. somebody emotionally close to another: somebody who has a close personal relationship of mutual affection and trust with another
2. ally: somebody who is not an enemy
OK, that's what I thought it meant. But lately it doesn't feel like I have very many true friends. Then I saw this:
fair-weather friend- somebody whose friendship with another is conditional upon the other�s good fortune
That's it! That's what I have. I have fair weather friends. No, not all my friends are fair weather, but a majority are. I then began to think of what kind of friend I have been to these fair weather friends. Maybe I too had been a fair weather friend and deserved their treatment. I thought of how I had put my sanity on the line time and time again. I thought of how many times I had bottled up my feelings to either A) spare them the drama or B) to allow more room for their feelings. I thought of how many times I had put my problems on the back burner to stew so that I would be more available to solve their problems. I thought of how I have been made a scapegoat numerous times to these friends who can't take the blame for their own actions, decisions, stupidity and mistakes. I thought of how many times I have been called a bitch because once in a blue moon, I just can't deal with everything. I thought of how many times I have heard these friends use words like "me", "mine" and "myself".I have thought about how many times I have been the shoulder for these friends to hold onto and cry on, only to have a cold stone prop my head up in return. These thoughts have helped me come to the realization that I have been the best damn friend I can be and I feel I deserve better in return. I am no longer going to tolerate any of these past bahaviors. I just can't. Doesn't anyone ever stop to think what their actions do to other people? Are people really that damn selfish? If you're reading this and feeling offended because you think I may be referring to you, then you need to think of what kind of friend you have been for you to wonder that. Keep in mind that if you need me as a friend, I need you as a friend as well. And that's it. I'm your friend. I am not your boss, your therapist, your psychic, your judge, your lawyer, your mother, your babysitter or your scapegoat. I have never used anyone to be these to me, and I would appreciate it if I could stop being used as all of these. Here's the fun part. I know that everyone, or almost everyone, reading this is going to take what I have said the wrong way. Everyone's going to act different towards me. They're going to stop trying to come to me for a friend because they don't know the difference between friend and all the other things listed above. If you do know the difference, then you know I have been, am and always will be a friend to you. I just need one in return every now and again.
