Do you ever hear silly stories of celebrities, music stars and athletes and wonder what the hell they were thinking when they did such a stupid thing? Well, I have. And not only have I thought about it, but I came up with the answers.
Q:What the heck was Michael Jackson thinking when he dangled a baby off the fourth-floor balcony of his Berlin hotel room?
A:"One minute you tell me not to touch the children, the next minute you want me to squeeze them tightly. Make up your mind, people!"
Q:What the heck was Michael Jackson thinking when he took his two oldest kids to the Berlin Zoo looking like junior beekeepers?
A:"The one kind thing I do for children is sparing them the indignity of having people know I'm their father."
Q:What the heck was Madonna thinking when she was forced to borrow money in a London restaurant after finding herself short of cash to buy a slice of cake for her son?
A:"You'll have to excuse me. As a celebrity, rich beyond description, I'm not used to paying for anything."
Q:What the heck was Queen Elizabeth thinking when she met Madonna at the world premiere of the new James Bond film "Die Another Day"?
A:"She's slept with more men than Elton John, Boy George, and George Michael�combined."
Q:What the heck was MTV thinking when it aired the first episode of a new reality show featuring Snoop Dogg, entitled "Doggy Fizzle Televizzle"?
A:"We're gonna have to ble-zeep a whole lotta of shiz-nit."
Q:What the heck was Snoop Dogg thinking during his first game on the sideline as coach of his 8-year-old son's pee-wee football team?
A:"If you guys play well, everyone gets orange slices and gin and juice after the game."
Q:What the heck was the man who assaulted David Wells thinking when he was found guilty of punching the Yankees pitcher and knocking out two of his teeth?
A:Come on, everyone gets at least two hits off David Wells."
Q:What the heck was White House press secretary Ari Fleischer thinking when he checked into his hotel under the name "Bernie Williams" while on his honeymoon on the Caribbean island of Nevis?
A:"And I'd like you to meet my wife, Venus."
Q:What the heck was the soon-to-be twice-divorced J-Lo thinking when she said that Ben Affleck would be her "sexiest man alive" if he lived to be 100?
A:"Assuming the growth rate of my butt stays consistent until then, I'll be forced to take any man who considers me sexy in the slightest."
Q:What the heck was Panthers punter Todd Sauerbrun thinking when he called the Gramatica brothers "idiots," sparking a feud with the two kickers?
A:Even if they kick my butt, they'll hurt themselves celebrating afterward."
Q:What the heck were the creators of "The Simpsons" thinking when they centered the plot of Sunday night's episode around Marge getting breast implants?
A:"Sometimes perverts can't stay up until 'Cinemax After Dark,' and we should accomodate them if even a little."
Q:What the heck were Portland's Rasheed Wallace and Damon Stoudamire thinking when they were allegedly caught with marijuana in their car after a game in Seattle?
A:"Of course Damon has glaucoma. Have you seen him shoot the ball lately?"
Q:What the heck was Vince Carter thinking when he attended a Nelly concert in Toronto while his Raptors were getting routed by the Hawks in Atlanta?
A:"I wonder where you purchase one of those face band-aids."
Q:What the heck was Nicolas Cage thinking when he filed for divorce from Lisa Marie Presley after only three months of marriage?
A:"J-Lo has been with Ben for how long? She's bound to be on the market in a few weeks."