In 4 days, I will be celebrating my 10 year anniversary with Dean. In a sense, it feels like we have been together for several lifetimes, yet in another, it feels like we just met. I knew when I first met him that he would be 'the one'. And he is. But as the relationship grew, I began to worry that we would end up like so many other couples-bored, distant, and possibly seperated. I thought that it was more of a chance with us because we met each other at a time when we were both going through so many stages, so many life changes. But none of that has happend. I am still falling in love with him more and more every day. I still find there are so many things to learn about him and I am just as impassioned about these discoveries as I ever was- maybe even more so now. I lucked out the day I met him. He saved my life in so many ways-literally. People have a tendency to come and go, but sometimes you get lucky and meet that one person that makes you so thankful for the opportunity to know them. That's the way I feel about Dean. I am so thankful just to know him, I can't believe I was so blessed as to also have him, especially since I have always felt that I could never deserve that kind of happiness. Since the very day I was brought into this world, I have had constant reminders of how unwanted I was/am, how imperfect I am, how I'd be pretty if only..., how I'd be decent if only..., how I am wasting my life by...,etc. And these sentiments not only came from acquaintances, but from friends and family as well. So I believed everything I heard. And I began to believe I was destined to live an abstract, desolate life, never earning the love or acceptance of anyone besides those who are obligated to love me. But one day God decided I deserved a break from my so called life and he graced me with Dean. And he couldn't have sent him to me at a better time. I was only 16, yet it felt like I had lived my life twice over and I was ready to give up. I was in a place that seemed to be inescapable, and I wanted nothing more than my freedom from the hell that was surrounding me. I was fed up and I just wanted to curl up and waste away to nothing. I would be doing myself a favor as well as those around me. I began to pray to God for Him to take me. But instead, he sent me what had to be nothing short of an angel. I don't know why it happened or how it happened. God must have seen the good in me enough to realize that I deserved something better. And on December 20, 1992, I was given Dean. And I still thank God till this day for the once-in-a-lifetime gift I received. It amazes me how he sees things in me that no one has ever taken the time to see. He loves me for these things and he loves me for the things that maybe he shouldn't. His love is unconditional and it is true in its purest form. I do have my imperfections, many of them as a matter of fact, but he has this amazing ability to love me because of and despite these flaws. Even when he criticizes me, he has a way of doing it without hurting or offending me. He does it simply to help me change something that needs changing. I don't know quite how to describe it, but it's like having this invincible force behind me, always holding me up, preventing me from plummeting back into my own private Hell. It almost feels like I was born on the day we met because it was him who gave me the life I wanted. He has done nothing but love and support me. He has sacrificed so much for me and I didn't even have to ask him to do it, and that just makes it mean so much more. And as cliche` as this may sound, he really does complete me. And in some way I feel a little like Pinnochio. Seriously. I was this lifeless little 'puppet' with no hopes of ever being anything more. Then someone came along who had that special touch and he took the time to put life into me and show me feelings that I never knew existed. He turned me into something, someone. Like I said ealier, I don't know how this happened or why. And I don't really want to question it too much. And if I find out this has all been a dream, then may I sleep forever. So, with that being said, Happy Anniversary Dean, my love, my life, my best friend and Happy Birthday to me.
I've seen the seven wonders of the world
I've seen the beauty of diamonds and pearls
But they ain't nothin' baby
Your love amazes me
I've seen a sunset that would make you cry
And colors of a rainbow reaching across the sky
The moon in all its phases, but
Your love amazes me
Don't you ever doubt this love of mine
You're the only one for me
You give me hope, you give me reason
You give me something to believe in
Forever faithfully, your love amazes me
I've prayed for miracles that never came
I got down on my knees in the pouring rain
But only you could save me
Your love amazes me
Don't you ever doubt this love of mine
You're the only one for me
You give me hope, you give me reason
You give me something to believe in
Forever faithfully, your love amazes me